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The
Riverrun Dummy
By Richard Thieme
My Position on the Faculty
Being a teaching assistant certainly has its moments.
The last field trip
of the season from the Academy to the Riverrun Ranch out here
in the mountains is intended to last “all
day,” but by late morning, all but the dumbest kids in the
class laughed when I said the words “late morning” and “all
day” which they would have heard so unselfconsciously only
hours before. That meant they were beginning to connect time-expressions
either to a subjective field (their own) or a star system and its
seasons (again, their own), which were in fact two sides of the
same coin. Star systems can not exist outside of the subjective
fields that construct them as systems and subjective fields never
exists independently of the systems that inflect them..
The kids who laughed
were getting it. The kids who didn’t
would in all likelihood be culled before the year was over (this
particular field trip has good predictive value, not a hundred
per cent, but still, pretty good); they will be profiled, adjusted
or made new, given different names, then entered into the system
once again for modification and training. That will mean interlacing
new designs of memory, perception and cognition with all the other
designs in the solar system, orbiting cities, and colony ships
so they will not be redundant or useless. By “redundant” I
mean in the technical sense that “there are more than enough
of that sort already, nearly identical in skills and perspective” and
by “useless” I mean that their capacities are fatally
anomalous, too far off the skew to integrate into the matrix. Often
it’s only the timing that’s off, but timing, of course,
is everything. Out of synch, they are beyond nexus.
That wasn’t our concern, of course. That’s how our
civilization handles the inevitable sludge of a trial-and-error
designer society. Our job was to enable the collective-in-residence
to do an experiment that altered the interior space of a Dummy
in all dimensions simultaneously. That would include doing a time
trial, so we had to make sure the kids took in, comprehended, really “got” the
module on duration and the subjective field from which it emanates
so they could do something with it. Otherwise the parameters of
the Dummy’s subjective field would be stretched too far out
of shape. Anyone who has ever dealt with that funhouse mirror-looking
kind of mess does not want to do it twice.
The learning module
on duration can take forever – or a
day. It all depends on the pace of the collective.
The Philadelphia Experiment
The kids always like hearing the old stories. UFOs, crop circles,
even legends like the Philadelphia Experiment, are perennially
sexy.
Yes, I told the class,
the story is silly on the face of it, even sillier after you
drill down. An electromagnetic field displaced – something – so
that a battleship disappeared in Philadelphia and reappeared in
Norfolk, miles away. Everyone on board, of course, flipped out,
lost it, whatever. They would have, too. The chemical basis for
recombination after the event could not have been known, so even
if they had lucked out and displaced spacetime as some claimed,
the crew would have been totally unable to make sense of what happened.
Hence the event would have been useless (as defined above). It
would have been terminally anomalous.
The value of anything
(I felt it necessary to explain) is its degree of malleability
or maneuverability in relationship to the human field of subjectivity.
Anything that cannot be subjected to the force field of intentional
consciousness lives in what we call the wilderness. It’s outside the fence. That force field
emanates and expands according to points of reference which are
mathematically precise and biochemically determined. Everybody
knows that. So how we are designed defines what we can know and
how we know it, defines in effect who we are. Identity is destiny.
Once we interlink points of reference in our “individual” modules
(as subcells used to be called) and create a collective, that collective
has a unique set of reference points too. Those points determine
the identity and hence the destiny of the collective. At top-level
we’re talking about all of humankind but at supra-top-level
we mean all sentient beings. A multidimensional lightmap shows
the complexity of the relationships between those points of reference
to be almost beyond comprehension. Only the most sophisticated
algorithms like SevenHundredFourteenFish or DiffieLitter can capture
the magic.
We call the collective
at its most useful level of abstraction a nation. Then subcells
or individuals project the gestalt for nationhood onto the template
and – bingo! – there you
have it: nations living among nations, nations living next to nations,
nations on top of nations, interpenetrating one another, almost
indistinguishable but at root, their boundaries defined by how
they frame themselves as possibilities for meaningful action, they
are worlds without end. The subjective fields defined by the parameters
of every collective are finite but unbounded.
That’s our paradigm.
Love it or leave it.
I personally love being
alive in the twenty-second century! How could anybody made or
born before this era even have stood being who they were, there,
then? I’m amazed our ancestors
didn’t just off themselves when they had the chance. Maybe
they had a premonition, especially the generation that spanned
the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, being as they were the
last generation to be merely born, that their designer progeny
might have a shot.
OK. I digress. Back to the lesson.
Spacetime does not
adhere to material existence because “material
existence” is an illusion. Quantum flux distributes possibilities
not entirely randomly but certainly without fixity. Spacetime is
woven into the fabric of the field of subjectivity itself. It is
a function of consciousness. Consciousness co-creates the quantum
flux, making it cohere. That means that how you hold your “history,” as
we call it, that collection of memories designed to provide a workable
model of possibility for you, a set of points of reference that
disclose options here and now (what we call the “future”),
is biochemically determined. Yes, it’s true that everything
is biochemically determined, but it’s important for this
particular lesson to underscore that this too, our sense of continuity
and coherence, is also biochemically determined. The illusion of
a persistent self emanates from code expressed through biochemical
constraints. The spatiotemporal dimensions implied by those constraints
define our fields of perception.
OK? The class nodded as one. OK.
Because your history
is designed, so is your sense of duration. No, I shouldn’t say “because.” Erase that. Write
down: your history is designed to be self-evident, axiomatic to
self-awareness, and so is your sense of duration. You locate yourself,
discover yourself, in a stream of illusory temporal and spatial
mobility in which you are carried along by subjective impressions
of time passing or moving through space. The illusion of movement
is anchored in the illusion of memory and is designed to calibrate
with the pace of the other beings webbed in your collective. Otherwise
you can’t see them, just like the Philadelphia Experiment.
See, that’s the point of the story. People who inhabit different
flows never make a nexus. That’s how come you recognize one
another when you meet on the street even before you’re introduced.
Nation knows nation, we like to say. You are calibrated to believe
that “time” is “passing” to the rhythm
of your particular nation and you develop a sense of shared experience
as a result – equally illusory. You exchange symbols as if
they mean the same thing which link your unique “memories” in
a shared illusion, an historical narrative. Everyone believes they
understand the same thing or at least something sufficiently similar
to work together. So they do. Those who barely impinge are barely
present and those who are irrelevant are invisible.
That’s how come
our paradigm works. Get it? We all inhabit the same space, but
not really.
A hand shot up. Miss
Renley’s. My poor heart skipped a
beat. Oh beautiful caressable Miss Caroline McConnell Renley.
But you’re talking as if time and space are separate. Aren’t
you? When spacetime is what we’re talking about.
Very good, Miss Renley. I intentionally used an archaic way of
speaking to communicate why the Philadelphia Experiment seemed
anomalous in its context. The incident never happened but twentieth
century people told the story as a way of trying to come to terms
with what the concept of spacetime meant for them, how it might
change the way they lived. They were commonsense Newtonians grappling
with Hawkinian implications. They described the arc of the trajectory
as if the ship moved from one place to another when in fact they
were struggling to define displacement in spacetime. Their mindmaps
lacked the coordinates that could make sense of that trajectory.
Miss Renley perked
up, her eyes brightening. Spacetime coordinates have to make
nexus in all directions, don’t they? she said.
In all dimensions? If something is too fast or too slow, we can’t
see it. If it’s too little or too big, we can’t see
it either. Ants don’t get that dogs exist, as the ancient
seer said. Isn’t that right?
Yes, I said. That is
exactly right. That’s why symbols
are necessary. They make little things big and big things small.
They manage complexities by conceptual fractal linkage. You do
the math, you inhabit the graph.
I was so thrown by
a conversation with the adorable little minx – I
hoped no one noticed – that I decided to amuse them by using
the names of some of their favorite historical characters.
The druggies that we
celebrate today as heroic antecedents – Samuel
Coleridge and his opium, Timothy Leary and his LSD, Freeway Ricky
Ross and his crack cocaine – discovered how chemicals accelerate
or retard the illusion of flow. Two people are in a room, say,
one dropping acid and the other a straight arrow. The acidhead
watches the other float until he is moving so slowly he seems to
stop. The straight arrow meanwhile watches the acidhead speed up
and vanish. His markers in spacetime accelerate until they blur
and disappear. The two streams barely intersect, but the next day,
they will say they were both “in the room” and exchange
a common memory. That exchange reinforces the illusion of linkage.
The room itself of course is also a consensual hallucination.
Even when they use the same language to describe what they think
is the same thing, what they experience is different. .
OK. Back to the Philadelphia
Experiment. Everybody around you is slow, you move fast, you
become invisible. The ship, they said, disappeared. Zip! Or you
move normal but others ingest chemicals that wangle a slowdown – same thing, you’re invisible.
Or forget about ingesting, which is quite a primitive technology,
and instead alter the genetic code and engineer fast or slow using
subjective vectors that have objectively measurable parameters.
This time you do all the math up front, in other words, but again,
you’re invisible. The methodology, don’t you see, is
irrelevant. Civilization from one point of view is nothing but
the perfection of useful methodologies. It’s a glorified
toolbox.
Now, when you know
how different nations see and can’t
see, you can manage the flow of perception at top-level too, at
the level of conception. You create the stains as it were that
make the visible visible. Everything else is background. It simply
doesn’t register. Then we calibrate the flow at the levels
of perception and conception so they become seamless. What someone
thinks happened interlaces with how they think things happen, period,
which in turn is determined by how they perceive things to be happening.
Which is exactly how things do happen – for them. Their bodies
and minds always construct the same things, generally speaking.
In the absence of anomalies, the paradigm is king. Everything
else is invisible.
The macro task, then,
of nation-building, which some of you will execute on all of
our behalfs, is to create plausible narratives that enable each
conceptual level to cohere and interleaf with the one below all
the way down to bottom-level where the subjective field is generated
biochemically. Bioheritage and culture become one, then -- seemingly
natural (yes, you had better laugh at that word), apparently
spontaneous, always invisible, a seamless weld that filters the
sensory inputs of eyes and ears into the only receptacle capable
of accepting them – the brain of the collective,
the national purpose, the mind of society.
Any questions?
The Bars of the Cage
It was time for lunch but I was still thinking of Miss Renley
and the way she looked when she asked her questions. In fact, I
was undone.
The preconditions were
perfect. Miss Renley’s hair was
long and dark and I had a gene that twittered for that. Her voice
was raspy and I must have had a recessive gene for that too. Her
eyes were bright, the entire room lighted up when she entered and
it wasn’t just my imagination, the room did brighten even
when my back was turned. Above all, her mind was a candle that
burned with intensity and I had a gene for that, all right. The
way she talked and laughed and moved said “I have the right
kind of intelligence” first and then “I love sex” and
only then did it end with “I am so happy to be alive.”
Now, that was a package. My kind of girl.
There was one problem, however. She dwelled in a different collective;
she was a citizen of a different nation. Her heart beat to the
rhythm of a different drum; her blood flowed to the measure of
a different river. I had been temporarily altered to be a teaching
assistant, my perceptual mode slowed to a level that let me converse
with the kids with ease. Once the term was up, I would be flashed
back to my usual superfast self. Which meant that I would be barely
capable of speaking with Miss Renley much less do the helical dance,
as they say, with her exquisite body.
Body. Bodies. Our bodies
are manifestations of mathematics, I understand that. In graduate
seminars we display our greats by expressing code in other symbolic
domains without making anything happen. We have exhilarating
robust disembodied conversations. It’s the kind of play
that makes for greatness. We translate abstractions into other
abstractions like some primitive twentieth century coder declaiming
in hex at a drunken party. The best of us can read the math and
immediately see what it manifests. I am one of the best, as everyone
knows, I model modeling merely by thinking about things. The
ability to recognize what the code will inevitably express is
taught in a class called personality diagnostics and its basics
are taught to every doc during first year.
During lunchtime I
lay in my bed in my body looking at the ceiling but seeing only
the image of Caroline Renley. I tried to do the math, but at
my current level of regression, it wasn’t easy.
I did not see her body as a manifestation of mathematics. I saw
it as the other half of a whole.
Maybe we could find
a way to express her next modality so she could move in alignment
with my life. We could splice in genes and – in my mind’s eye I saw Miss Renley quickening
while I slowed until we met at nexus. Then we could calibrate our
lives so they intersected node on node. We could see enough of
the same things to believe we inhabited the same reality. Isn’t
that what they used to call “love?” When not only one
node but another and then another and then so many nodes you couldn’t
count them found synchronicity and blended into a single spiral?
Isn’t that why primitives called love “the dance of
the double helix?”
I sought out my Father Doctor Michel Marchand and asked him about
it.
“Wilhelm,” he said sternly, looking a long time at
my face while I waited. “Wilhelm, you are off the cusp.”
My heart sank.
“Do you mean
that?”
“Yes. You are
talking about violating the Code. That betrays the collective
and you know it. Thinking like that is the germ of treason.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had risked my apprenticeship
by telling Dr. Marchand the truth about my passion for Miss Renley.
I looked down at his well-buffed wingtip shoes, a retro pair polished
to perfection – by me, the night before.
But then his expression
relented. “Wilhelm, this is all
part of the primitive code. I don’t know why we leave so
much of it in, but we do. Faster minds than mine make that decision.
Maybe we keep primitive feelings around like pets to play with.
The feeling of loving without being loved in return is apparently
part of our developmental necessity. The docs who build the macros
think it’s critical.
So, young man,” he raised my chin so our eyes locked and
put his hands on my shoulders and smiled, “you just have
to live through it.”
I went to my work station, partially relieved, but inside I burned
with incomprehensible shame and desire. I embraced my pain like
a masochistic lover rolling in the barbed wire embrace of his mistress.
Miss Renley was part of my education then just as my teaching was
part of hers. The task was to learn the correct lesson.
I watched my mind work
at tri-level. Top-level I did my job, evaluating student work.
Mid-level I worked on my research, exploring new possibilities
for subjective vector analysis. But bottom-level I hungered with
a carnal desire that burned in the night of my soul, candescent
flames leaping into the midnight sky. Her eyes as she spoke burned
with superior intelligence and I hungered to hold her in my arms.
Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, call it what you will – I screamed for completion when only a
day before I had not known I lacked anything. The upper levels
of my mind collapsed into the fire below, timbers burning up in
an instant, and by the end of lunchtime, nothing was left but smoldering
ruins and drifting smoke. And I hadn’t even eaten a single
bite.
Outside the Fence
May I talk to you about this before we start our experiment?
asked Miss Renley.
You certainly may.
Her collective – she was the leader – had
chosen an experiment that was remarkably demanding. They might
have chosen to slow down the Dummy, as we called the volunteer
student from another level who agreed to be manipulated, then
scan and flash his perceptual flow and correlate it with their
predictions and models. Going Slowdown is always easier. But
they were the best of the best and decided to Uptake the Dummy
to the 24 th level.
The hapless Dummy all
unknowingly (what else?) signed the agreement and prepared for
the ride of his life. The danger was acceleration beyond his
emotional capacity to manage. He would see, think, even feel
things at multilevel, but he might not be able to stand it. He
might not be able to integrate the experience into his subjective
field. That would make the experience not only useless but unreportable
in the first person. It was that subjective impression, that report
of lived experience, that was being designed in the first place,
so without his naïve report, there was no way to know how
successful they were.
Caroline McConnell Renley understood all that. I loved the way
her face grew animated as she discussed the experiment.
We have to manage all
the connections simultaneously, we know that. So he grows or
seems to himself to grow everywhere inside his psychic space
at the same time. So he won’t notice anything
changing. The surface of the balloon of his psyche must expand
and fill the available space all at once. Consciousness extends
itself throughout all available space, as Webb said. So long as
there is no perturbation in the space. Is that correct?
As far as it goes,
I said. So what’s the question?
The difficult part as I see it (she was so damned cute! the way
she talked, the way her nose scrunched when she puzzled through
something) is titrating emotional bolsters in synch with memories
and expanding perceptual and intellectual capacity so as his experience
speeds up, it always feels right, calibrates, never deviates from
normal. Then at peak he will see, feel, think and understand beyond
even our collective. Correct?
Yes. That’s how
you designed the trial.
Her pretty little face frowned, her forehead wrinkling.
Then when we bring
him back to his initial state, won’t
he retain a chemical memory? Won’t he warp? Won’t he know?
Hmm. I said thoughtfully, keeping my hands in my lap and away
from her cascading scented hair which fell over her small shoulders
like waves of a stormy sea. I looked past her at the scanning booth
in order to think.
He might, I said. But
he will be incapable of distinguishing origin or source from
end or objective. He might be puzzled but he won’t warp.
Her eyes brightened. She got it immediately.
He won’t know if it’s somewhere he’s already
been or an intuition of a goal state encoded like a tree in the
seed? He won’t know, to use the language of classical mythology,
whether he remembers the Garden of Eden or is dreaming of a future
Paradise? Because both are intimations of a kind of wholeness that
no one can ever experience?
Exactly, I smiled broadly,
wanting to take her in my arms and kiss those delicious lips.
I wanted to nibble her lower lip until she cried out, feel her
writhe in my arms – instead I said,
it’s the paradox of consciousness in the universe, you see.
The only place we can be going must have already been thought.
Then it must have been there at the beginning as well as the end.
Between origin and end, all we can experience is a representation
of that seminal/terminal node – which if it is a meaningful
symbol suggests that consciousness is a closed circle.
More like a sphere, she smiled with the kind of delight that
comes only from having a penetrating insight.
More like a multilinks, I replied.
She laughed. Or a complex
concurrently intermultilinking spherical – she
laughed again, loudly, and I laughed too. Her eyes sparkled with
showers of pixie lights and joyful sprinkles. All of my self-discipline
collapsed and I took her hands in mine.
Miss Renley, I said. I adore you Miss Renley. I never want this
field trip to end.
Oh Mister Blowhorn! she cried. Neither do I! Neither do I!
The View From the Edge of the Known Universe
I should have known
what their experiment would mean, but they – well,
they were too far ahead of me. I just didn’t see it. The
Dummy would be known subsequently as the Riverrun Dummy, the experiment
as the Renley Uptake. When the Epsilon Eridani expedition encountered
the fluctuating red dwarf warp, the Renley Uptake would save their
lives.
The Dummy was ten or eleven, I forget which, calibrated to the
earth and its sun, and he looked like a little spider, all spread
out and strapped in. His head was a pincushion of wires and tubes
in all directions. His fingers and toes were spread and pricked
and his legs were open for hormones to be fed in through a fluid.
Larger tubes entered or left (how do you tell?) the areas around
his lungs and heart and kidneys. Blastocatheters took care of elimination
needs and his eyes and temples were sedated with topical patches.
The poor Dummy to all appearances saw felt and knew nothing.
But appearances are
deceiving. The scans and monitors showed us what he was knowing.
Inside he was growing, growing quickly to our levels, then past
us. Watching his progress was like watching a comet from a fixed
vantage point on an asteroid. Now you see it, now you don’t.
They titrated the Dummy just right. He grew in his capacity to
endure and understand just as he saw, felt, realized things. When
they finished, the Renley Group had generated data that contributed
significantly to The Theory of Accelerated Uptakes. They managed
the complexity of multiple systems moving in synch with such dexterity
and finesse that it took my breath away. They had certainly done
the math.
But realization of that would come, as they say, later. It would
come when macro managers allowed the results of the experiment
to filter slowly into the mind of society and arrive at just the
right time for humankind to use it and move up a notch. Just when
humankind was ready to understand, we received what we needed to
know. The event coincided with the use of new tools and the readiness
to use them.
Those macro managers
operate at level one hundred and seventy eight. Can you grasp
what that means? I certainly can’t.
That’s how many interlacing levels of nation they integrate
in all dimensions to the one hundred and seventy eighth power.
The lightscans revealed
the inner landscape of the Dummy as he evolved. At the peak of
the arc they killed the machinery and let him speak for himself.
That was their genius, not waiting until later, and that came
from Caroline Renley’s sublime intuition.
It was like the engines cutting on an ancient launch and the sudden
silence of orbital space. It’s all recorded. Most of you
have seen those visuals a million times by now. But most of you
still don’t understand what he said.
You don’t need
to understand. Just trust that the job is being done right.
“Oh my God!” said the Dummy quietly. “Oh
my God! Oh my God!”
“Do you mean that literally?” the
soft voice of Miss Renley can be heard on the scan.
The Dummy laughed. “What a funny way to think of it,” he
said.
Then there was silence for perhaps twenty seconds.
“The edge is the only center,” he said. “Every
node is the center of the known universe. The node is the interface.
It all infolds to a single point. There is an intention there without
which nothing could have been understood. Nothing at all. But we
still think in terms of collectives. That is so funny!”
A shorter pause.
“Why is it funny?” asked
Miss Renley.
“Because borders. Borders are false distinctions. They
create … everything. And mean nothing! We are only fooling
ourselves.”
On and on he went like
the Great Doctor on a master acid trip. The Great Doc had in
fact once rolled around the room laughing as he elevated his
perspective and watched the dotted lines on imaginary maps disappear.
Little ants patrolled inches of earth and cried to the skies, “Mine!
This is mine!”
And during another
trip the Great Doc said identically, “We
are only fooling ourselves!
Then he shouted: “It’s
show business! Show business! Everything is show business!”
Or as our Riverrun
Dummy said: “Let he who has borrowed
his ears understand!”
When the Dummy dissolved into blissful beatific silence, they
shut him down and initiated Slowdown. It went more smoothly than
anyone had hoped. He had lived through long slow cycles of time
that we measured in minutes. He was back to eleven or ten or whatever
it was in no time at all.
They balanced his predictables and systems and took him offwire.
He opened his eyes. He asked for a glass of orange juice and drank
it down in a gulp.
Everyone stood around and waited for him to say something. Finally
Miss Renley said, do you have anything to tell us?
He smiled. The universe
isn’t even half of it. I heard
a shrill whining that was like music played too fast but then it
slowed. Then it was so beautiful but I can’t remember the
tune.
There’s nothing to tell, he said. You’ll
see.
When? asked Miss Renley.
Yes, that’s right.
He smiled broadly. When indeed.
A Walk in the Woods
Everything was recorded “by the end of the day.” I
asked Miss Renley if she wanted to debrief. She thought it might
be a good idea. We left the Main Building and walked through bunkhouses
through the front gates into the woods along the stream. The stream
was rabid with late spring runoff and raced crazily down its banks.
“It’s almost too loud to talk,” she
said.
“Soon we’ll
be able to hike in the high country.”
“I would love
to come back and hike up there with you.”
“I would love
for you to do that.”
We both knew it would never happen.
“You must be pleased with the way your experiment went,” I
said.
“Oh,” she said, “it
was beyond expectations. We learned so much!”
“Everyone learned,” I said. “I
have a hunch that all humankind will learn.”
“You’re
saying that to make me feel good.”
“Oh no,” I said, turning and taking her in my arms. She raised her
face to mine and I kissed her. Oh but her lips were delicious. Oh but the scent
of her and the feel of her and the taste of her!
“We couldn’t have done it without your help,” she
said.
“Now it’s
you making me feel good.”
“Oh no I’m not. You created exactly the right combination
of frustration and desire to make us want to do it. We set up our
experiment in response to the limits you described which at the
same time disclosed new possibilities. We took advantage of those
openings even if you couldn’t see them yourself. You were
too close to them to see. We wanted to move the Dummy close to
warpspeed and we did. That means that humankind everywhere and
everywhen will be able to mediate multilevel complexities with
greater subtlety than ever.”
We sat on a boulder where the stream curved and the water leaped
and roared downstream, crashing through rocks below. Leaves of
alder and willow churned in the turbulent flow. There was no point
in saying the obvious. She knew now that I understood. Caroline
McConnell Renley knew much more than I could teach, even when I
flashed fast.
When everything is
connected, and everything is, the only differences in perception
are spatiotemporal. Seeing things close to their connections
in time or space is what we call insight. Seeing them widely
scattered is slowmo. If it takes days or years or centuries,
regardless of the point of reference, regardless of the star
system and its symbiotic knowers, then it’s slow. If it happens
in an instant, it’s quick. Not seeing any connections at
all is inert.
Miss Renley saw the end of the experiment at its moment of conception.
She saw how it linked and would link to myriad possibilities. She
saw in a flash the next conceptual level illuminated by nuclear
fire.
“They couldn’t tell you,” she said. “You
understand why, don’t you?”
I nodded.
“You helped to make us what we are, but what we are is … not
what you thought. We look young, I know, but every older generation
is surprised by what their progeny design. We always create beyond
our own capabilities, and we are always abashed. You helped us
move into a condition of readiness. We were touched by your simplicity,
even your fumbling pedantry. You were cute. I even needed to feel
this … infatuation … for the moment. It generates
the energy necessary to move to the next level. Falling in love
is energizing, even when it doesn’t last.”
She relaxed back into
the curve of my trembling body as if I were an old comfortable
chair. I inhaled the scent of her hair, felt her head against
my chest. The stream obliterated all sounds of the known universe.
That moment was so ineffably sweet it was painful but passed
like a comet seen from an asteroid. Now you see it, now you don’t.
Even after I flashed
back to my “fast” self and could
see more clearly, my thoughts moved like a mass of molasses. Renley
and her collective had been so patient. I was only a catalyst.
I was the real Riverrun Dummy – which I saw now was exactly
what I had always been designed and destined to become.
I felt like an elephant hearing my ancestors trumpeting from
the graveyard where their tusks thrust up from the forest floor.
An Encouraging Word
You have been my valuable
assistant for nearly seven decades, said Dr. Marchand when they
had all left and he found me walking alone in the woods in the
shadow of the mountain under the light of a full moon. A few
more years and you’ll be ready for
what’s next. To learn to love what is necessary, Wilhelm,
is our only destination. We must embrace our destiny in order to
discover our identity. The readiness is all, young man. You are
just beginning. At moments of confluence, we experience the cessation
of striving, momentary release from all friction. Then they pass
and we move on.
Everything else, he said, is preparation. We are either swimming
to the next island or resting on one, catching our breath.
Then he put his hands on my shoulders and smiled.
You’ll see.
I will? I asked. When?
Yes, he smiled. When indeed.
# # # # #
Copyright 2004, 2005 Richard Thieme. All Rights Reserved.
The Riverrun Dummy was published in Zahir (Unforgettable Tales)
Spring 2005 (Issue 6). |